we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
