I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
