as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
