I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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