I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
