Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
