i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
