Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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