What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
