I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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