oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
