You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
