she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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