I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
