He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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