I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
