I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
