dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i came on her dog
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
