My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
