I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
