Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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