call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
