if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
