Someone shit on the floor
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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