Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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