He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
