watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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