i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
