Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you win again, gameday.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
