so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
