Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
