You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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