i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Let's get the cat blown out
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
