please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
