now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
