I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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