yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
