dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
