saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
