i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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