when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
