omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Randomize
