It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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