So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
