just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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