So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
