I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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