Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
