I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
