Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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