I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
